(all yelling)
WHERE'S MICKEY?
MISSING THE FUN.
COME ON, YOU BRIGANDS!
COME ON, WHERE ARE YOU?
THANK YOU, JERICHO.
DON'T MENTION IT, SIR.
WHERE'S BARNEY?
IT WAS A DREAM.
YES, LITERALLY.
WHAT ABOUT OUR WORK?
WHAT ABOUT THE NATURAL WORKS?
IF MEN ARE FIGHTING
THERE'LL BE NO ONE LEFT TO LOOK AFTER NATURE.
NATURE CAN LOOK AFTER ITSELF.
WE CAN'T TAKE CARE OF NATURE.
NATURE CAN TAKE CARE OF ITSELF, YOU HEAR?
WE'VE A WAR TO WAGE!
THERE'S STORMS, FLOODS
SNOW IN SUMMER.
THE LEAVES WILL WITHER
AND DIE.
(trumpet blowing)
(crow cawing)
SO... DID YOU SEE ME
BEFORE YOU DECIDED NOT TO GET THE TRAIN
OR DID YOU NOT
GET THE TRAIN BECAUSE YOU SAW ME?
I THINK I CATCH YOUR DRIFT.
I HAD DECIDED
TO STAY ANYWAY.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, MISS KATHLEEN?
WERE YOU GOING TO COME WITH ME
OR WERE YOU JUST COMING TO SEE
IF I WAS GOING?
I HAD MY BAG, DIDN'T I?
I'VE ASKED YOU
TO WARN ME!
SORRY ABOUT THAT, JACK.
AH, THE LOVELY KATHLEEN.
SEAMUS.
SO THE SPITTING FISH WAS YOUR IDEA, WAS IT?
WELL, NOT DIRECTLY, NO.
BUT INDIRECTLY, YES.
ALL THIS CRAZY WEATHER...
WAS THAT YOU DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY?
THERE'S A BIT OF A DISAGREEMENT GOING ON
BETWEEN OURSELVES AND THE TROOPING FAIRIES.
IF YOU WANTED TO
YOU COULD DESCRIBE IT AS A, UH...
WELL, MARY, HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE IT?
A FULL-OUT WAR.
MMM. YES. WELL, THAT WILL JUST ABOUT DO IT.
A WAR?
WHAT'S IT ABOUT?
OH, THE USUAL.
EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY.
NOTHING AND NOBODY.
SO, CAN I ASK YOU
A QUESTION, JACK?
I GUESS.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANY FIGHTING?
BEING IN THE ARMY
AS IT WERE.
I, UH... I DID SOME BASIC TRAINING
IN THE MILITARY
BUT, UH... NEVER SAW ANY ACTION.
BASIC TRAINING!
DO YOU HEAR THAT, MARY?
JACK'S DONE BASIC TRAINING.
I HEARD.
SEAMUS, I'M NOT GOING TO FIGHT IN YOUR WAR
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE AFTER.
I KNOW THAT.
THE FAIRIES WOULDN'T LET YOU ANYWAY.
THEY'D DISAPPEAR AS SOON
AS THEY'D LOOK AT YOU.
NO, NO. BUT, YOU SEE
WE LEPRECHAUNS ARE FREE SPIRITS.
THINKERS AND DRINKERS.
WE'RE NOT BUILT
FOR MARCHING IN STRAIGHT LINES
AND COMPLICATED BATTLE PLANS.
THEY NEED TO BE TOLD WHAT TO DO.
AND YOU'VE DONE BASIC TRAINING.
AND THEY'RE ABOUT
AS BASIC AS IT GETS.
WE'D GIVE YOU THE POWER
TO SEE THEM ALL.
AND YOU WOULDN'T LEAVE EMPTY-HANDED.
WE STILL HAVE A FEW POTS OF GOLD LEFT.
I THOUGHT THOSE POTS OF GOLD WERE JUST FAIRY STORIES.
THEY ARE, BUT
IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED, WE ARE FAIRIES.
YES, WE STILL HAVE A FEW POTS PUT AWAY
FOR HARD TIMES.
WHAT DO YOU SAY, JACK?
IT'S A NOBLE CAUSE.
WHICHEVER SIDE YOU'RE ON IN A WAR
IS ALWAYS THE NOBLE ONE.
YEAH, AND TRULY, IT'S NOT ABOUT TAKING SIDES.
IT'S ABOUT GETTING PEACE.
GETTING THINGS BACK TO NORMAL.
RIGHT.
RIGHT, SO THE QUICKER WE WIN, THE BETTER.
OH, I MISS HIM SO, MAGGIE.
I MISS MY FIRST HUSBAND, RODERICK GOODRICH III.
A TRUE GENTLEMAN.
WHEN HE STEPPED OUT OF HIS BATH
HE ALWAYS RANG A SMALL BELL
SO I WOULDN'T BE ALARMED.
IN MY DAY, YOU HAD TO HAVE IMPECCABLE MANNERS.
YOU JUST COULDN'T MAKE IT IN POLITE SOCIETY
UNLESS YOU HAD IMPECCABLE MANNERS.
MICKEY'S LIKE THAT.
NEVER.
HE'S A LEPRECHAUN.
TOTALLY DIFFERENT CASE.
A LEPRECHAUN WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE A GENTLEMAN
IF HE WAS ROBBING HIM.
(loud thuds)
Lady Margaret: MY SECOND HUSBAND
SAMUEL BALMORAL-- HE WAS EVEN MORE REFINED.
HE'D KNOCK ON AN OYSTER SHELL
BEFORE HE OPENED IT.
MY THIRD HUSBAND
WAS A LITTLE DELICATE.
HE WAS THE ONLY MAN I EVER KNEW WHO WAS
ALLERGIC TO MATHEMATICS.
YOU ONLY HAD TO ASK HIM TO ADD TWO AND TWO
AND HE'D RETIRE TO BED WITH A NOSEBLEED.
TRUTH BE TOLD, HE WAS A BIT OF A LOSER.
AHA...
THERE'S THINGS BETTER THAN LOVE AND WORSE THAN LOVE
BUT IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND ANYTHING THAT'S JUST LIKE LOVE.
IT MAKES A MAN THINK ALMOST AS MUCH OF A WOMAN
AS HE DOES OF HIMSELF.
YEAH...
YOU'RE RIGHT.
SO, WHERE ARE WE GOING?
TO THE SWAMPLAND
TO SEE THE BUTTER SPIRIT, SIR ALOYSIUS JENTEE.
HE'S A FRIEND OF MY FATHER'S
AND THE SWAMP IS NEUTRAL TERRITORY
SO THEY CAN'T TOUCH US THERE.
(crickets chirping)
Mickey: I CAN'T SEE ANYTHING.
Jessica: NOR ME.
WE SHOULD GO THE REST OF THE WAY ON FOOT.
YEAH.
THIS WAY.
WHY ARE THEY CALLED "BUTTER SPIRITS"?
BECAUSE ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS BUTTER.
NOTHING ELSE MATTERS TO THEM.
(wings flapping)
(loud screeching)
(gasps)
MICKEY...
BEASTLY STUFF.
THIS IS THE MOST HIGH BUTTER SPIRIT.
THE ONE AND ONLY!
SIR ALOYSIUS JENTEE AT YOUR SERVICE.
I'M DELIGHTED TO MEET YOU, MR. JENTEE.
MICKEY SAYS THAT YOU'RE AN OLD FRIEND.
I'VE KNOWN HIM SINCE HE WAS LITERALLY
KNEE-HIGH TO A GRASSHOPPER.
NOW, YOU MUST BE PRINCESS JESSICA.
CAN YOU DO ANYTHING FOR US, UNCLE ALOYSIUS?
BUST MY GAITERS...
LADDIE, I CAN OFFER YOU SANCTUARY!
COME HERE.
THIS WAY.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY BUTTER ABOUT, WOULD YOU?
IRISH? DANISH? ENGLISH?
WE'RE NOT PARTICULAR.
SPREAD THICK.
(laughing): GAD, WHAT DELIGHT!
WHAT DECADENCE!
NO. SORRY.
AH, NO MATTER.
WE'VE ADAPTED.
NOW, THIS IS OUR DOMAIN.
THIS IS LITTLE ENGLAND.
NOW...
WE'LL GET YOU SETTLED.
THEN YOU MUST JOIN ME FOR TIFFIN.
WHAT'S TIFFIN?
TEA AND CUCUMBER SANDWICHES.
NO BUTTER, I'M AFRAID.
WE'VE GOT MUD...
PLENTY OF MUD.
HE SPIRITED HER AWAY, YOUR MAJESTY.
IT'S THE DEVIL'S WORK!
ARE YOU SURE YOU WERE WATCHING, LADY MARGARET?
MY EYES WERE OPEN 24 HOURS OF THE DAY.
I NEVER SLEPT.
I HARDLY ATE.
AND WHEN I DID, I DIDN'T LOOK AT MY FOOD.
(sobbing)
THERE, THERE. I'M SURE MULDOON
WON'T HARM HER.
HE NEEDS HER AS A HOSTAGE.
I JUST HAD WORD THAT MICKEY MULDOON
HAS TAKEN PRINCESS JESSICA
TO THE BUTTER SPIRITS IN THE SWAMP!
WE CAN RESCUE HER.
DON'T PUNISH HER. IT'S IN HAND.
EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL
BEING ORGANIZED LIKE CLOCKWORK.
NOTHING, NOTHING LEFT TO CHANCE. HA-HA!
(groans)
EVERYTHING'S UNDER CONTROL...
IS IT?
Father Daley: GOD IS IN HIS HEAVEN...
(thunder crashing)
AND ALL IS WELL WITH THE WORLD...
BUT IS IT?
NOW YOU MAY ASK ME WHY.
WHY IS IT
THAT ALL THESE THINGS ARE HAPPENING?
WHY IS IT THAT THE ALMIGHTY GOD HAS DESERTED US
BUT SHOWN US THE ROCKY PATH
TO ETERNAL DAMNATION?
YOU MAY ASK ME
WHAT CAN WE DO TO STOP
THESE DISASTERS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE
SO THAT OUR SINS CAN CATCH US UP
AND THEN WE ARE PULLED DOWN INTO THE FIERY PIT!
(voice rising): I REPLY TO YOU...
(calmly): I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
(congregation murmuring)
ANY OPINIONS OUT THERE?
IT'S THE LITTLE PEOPLE.
THE FAIRIES AND LEPRECHAUNS
HAVE STOPPED LOOKING AFTER NATURE.
ANYBODY WITH ANY SENSIBLE OPINIONS?
COULD IT BE THE STATE OF THE ECONOMY, FATHER?
OR-OR MAYBE THE RAILWAYS, SINCE THEY CHANGED THE...
OH, SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP, MAN!
AH, YOU MADE IT.
THIS WEATHER
IS UNBELIEVABLE.
ARE YOU OKAY?
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOU'RE NOT ON VACATION, ARE YOU?
YOU'RE HERE TO BUY UP
ALL THESE HOUSES SO YOU CAN TURN THIS PLACE
INTO ANOTHER DISNEYLAND...
AREN'T YOU?
IT WASN'T GOING TO BE ANOTHER DISNEYLAND.
(sighs)
KATHLEEN...
I TRIED TO TELL YOU.
I CAME HERE FOR WORK.
THEY SENT ME HERE
TO BUY UP SOME VACATION HOMES FOR AMERICANS.
YOU KNOW, GIVE PEOPLE A CHANCE TO LIVE OUT THEIR DREAMS.
I WANTED TO TELL YOU SO MANY TIMES.
SO WHY DIDN'T YOU?
WELL, IT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER NOW
BECAUSE IT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.
BUT YOU WERE TRYING TO TAKE OUR HOMES.
NO, NO, I WASN'T; I'VE JUST BEEN DOWN TO THE POST OFFICE
JUST NOW, CALLING NEW YORK
TELLING THEM THAT THIS PLACE IS NOT SUITABLE FOR THEM.
ALL RIGHT. WHICH, UM...
PARTICULAR LIE DO YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE, THEN?
I'M NOT LYING.
KATHLEEN, I LOVE YOU.
OH, RIGHT. THAT LIE.
(door opening and closing)
(frogs croaking)
Aloysius: YES, INDEED
DEAR FRIENDS.
PRINCESS JESSICA
AND MICKEY MULDOON ARE HERE
UNDER MY PROTECTION.
WELL, WE WANT THEM.
YOUR TERM, SIR, IS OFFENSIVE.
YOU CAN'T HAVE 'EM!
WE CAME UNDER A WHITE FLAG OF PEACE.
SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU.
I'M COLOR-BLIND.
WE DIDN'T SAY GOOD-BYE TO ALOYSIUS.
I DON'T TRUST HIM.
WE'RE BETTER OFF FAR AWAY.
CAN I SPEAK PLAINLY?
I'D PREFER IT DEVIOUS, BUT BE PLAIN IF YOU MUST.
I'D LIKE TO BRIBE YOU.
BRIBE?!
NEVER, SIR.
THE IDEA IS OFFENSIVE TO MY EARS.
WE ARE ENGLISH TO THE BONE!
WHERE GIVEN WORD KEPT AN ENGLISHMAN'S WORD!
ENOUGH SAID.
BESIDES, WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BRIBE US WITH?
BUTTER.
AH, BUTTER, OF COURSE, YES.
(gasping)
(wings flapping)
WELL, WHAT'S THE VERDICT?
THE VERDICT?
ABOUT JOINING OUR CAUSE.
WELL, TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH, SEAMUS
I HAVEN'T GIVEN IT MUCH THOUGHT.
(scoffing)
HERE WE ARE, ENGAGED IN A WAR
THAT COULD DETERMINE THE FUTURE
OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT
AND YOU HAVEN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT.
I HAD A FIGHT WITH KATHLEEN.
IS THAT ALL?
WOMEN TROUBLE?
I HAVE THAT 24 HOURS A DAY.
WAS IT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT YOU WERE GOING
TO BUY UP THE COTTAGES?
HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT?
WE'RE LEPRECHAUNS.
WE KNOW WHEN THERE'S MISCHIEF AFOOT.
I LOOKED INTO YOUR HEART
AND THEN I LOOKED INTO
YOUR DRAWER INSIDE.
(chuckles)
SAY, SEAMUS...
COULD YOU TALK TO KATHLEEN?
OH, UH, YES, MAYBE.
MAYBE I COULD, MAYBE I COULD.
OF COURSE, IT WOULD BE IN RETURN
FOR A SMALL FAVOR YOU MIGHT DO ME.
LIKE IF I HELP YOU OUT?
YOU SCRATCH MY BACK, I'LL SCRATCH YOURS, HUH?
THAT'S HOW THE WORLD TURNS, JACK.
ANYWAY, IT WILL TAKE
YOUR MIND OFF YOUR TROUBLES.
OKAY, I'LL DO IT
BUT YOU'VE GOT TO SQUARE THINGS WITH KATHLEEN.
OH, SHE'S AS GOOD AS BACK IN YOUR ARMS.
(chuckling heartily)
ALL RIGHT.
(whistling)
HEY, I WANT YOU TO TURN THIS HAIRY RABBLE
INTO A FIGHTING MACHINE.
WHAT?
I'M SURE YOU'LL DO FINE.
YOU'LL DO FINE.
ANYWAY, YOU'VE ALL DAY TO DO IT.
BY MYSELF?
NOW, WAIT A MINUTE.
JUST LET ME EXPLAIN.
YOU PROMISED.
WHAT DID YOU DO
TO OUR SISTER?
SHE'S BEEN CRYING
HER EYES OUT ALL NIGHT.
HOLD STILL SO WE CAN KICK YOU.
LISTEN, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TALK TO HER.
HOLD HIS ARMS, GEORGE.
I'LL HIT HIM.
NO, YOU HOLD HIS ARMS; I'LL HIT HIM.
YOU HIT THE FELLA THE LAST TIME.
I HELD HIS ARMS
THE LAST ONE.
ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?
YES. LOOK, IT'S MY TURN.
I NEVER GET TO HIT ANYONE.
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG, LITTLE HARRY.
YOU'VE GOT TO LEARN
HOW TO CLENCH YOUR FISTS FIRST.
CAN I MAKE A...?
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU CAN'T EXPECT
TO GO STRAIGHT TO THE HITTING.
LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.
WHY DON'T WE DISCUSS THIS
OVER A DRINK, LIKE UH... GENTLEMEN?
AND IF YOU STILL WANT TO GET PHYSICAL
WELL, I'LL... I'LL OBLIGE YOU.
WHAT DO YOU SAY?
COME ON.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
WHY NOT?
Jack: THE BEER'S IN THE...
WELL, I SEE YOU FOUND IT.
WELL, THAT'S OKAY.
I WASN'T THIRSTY ANYWAY.
DO YOU HAVE ANY CHIPS AT ALL?
OR MAYBE, YOU KNOW
SOME LITTLE NIBBLES?
NO. NO, I... I DON'T.
UM, KATHLEEN, IS SHE OKAY?
I REALLY WANT TO TALK TO HER.
SHE SAYS YOU WANTED TO TURN OUR FARM INTO A CASINO.
THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU CALLING OUR SISTER A LIAR?
OF COURSE NOT.
I SUPPOSE YOU WOULD HAVE PAID A FAIR BIT
FOR THE, UH, THE PROPERTIES, YOU KNOW.
THAT DOESN'T REALLY MATTER NOW.
I'M NOT GOING THROUGH WITH IT, NOT ONCE I GOT
TO KNOW THIS PLACE.
George: RIGHT. SURE. UH...
THE MONEY WOULD HAVE BEEN GOOD THOUGH, YEAH?
Seamus: IF IT'S MONEY YOU'RE AFTER
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT GETTING SOME GOLD?
SOME GOLD? WELL, THAT...
WHO SAID THAT?
WANT TO GO THROUGH WITH THIS, SEAMUS?
WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO?
YOU NEED HELP, DON'T YOU? ASK THEM IF THEY'VE
DONE ANY SOLDIERING.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
SAY, UM...
YOU BOYS KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT DRILLING, ARMY-TYPE DRILLING?
WELL, YOU KNOW, ME AND THE LADS WERE IN THE SCHOOL CADET CORPS.
YEAH. WE LIKE TO SHOUT.
GIVING ORDERS.
STOMPING.
REALLY?
George: YEAH.
WELL, MAYBE YOU'D BE INTERESTED
IN HELPING OUT OUR LEPRECHAUN FRIENDS.
COMMANDER MULDOON
FRONT AND CENTER.
HOLY...
MARY.
MOTHER OF GOD.
COMMANDER MULDOON
MEET THE FITZPATRICK BROTHERS.
GOTCHA!
(laughing)
NOW THEN, LITTLE LEPRECHAUN
WHY DON'T YOU TELL UNCLE GEORGE
WHERE YOU'VE HIDDEN YOUR POTS OF GOLD.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, JACK.
THAT'S WHAT THESE
FLAT-FOOTED, IGNORANT PEASANTS DO
WHEN THEY CATCH A POOR, DEFECTIVE LEPRECHAUN.
WE ARE RICH.
WHERE'D HE GO?
I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO BEHAVE
LIKE GENTLEMEN, FITZPATRICKS
SO WE CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT ALL THESE DISASTERS
YOU FARMERS HAVE BEEN HAVING BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.
Seamus: AND MAYBE GET YOUR HANDS ON SOME GOLD
FOR YOUR TROUBLES, AFTER WE WIN.
SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY FAIR DEAL
TO ME, LADS, YOU KNOW?
YEAH.
OH, UH...
COMMANDER, UM...
YOU KNOW, SORRY ABOUT THE, THE GRABBING
AND THE THROTTLING AND EVERYTHING.
YOU'LL, YOU'LL BE WANTING YOUR LITTLE GREEN COAT BACK.
THERE, THERE YOU GO.
THAT'S A LOVELY TWEED.
NOW, CAN YOU DRILL
SOME DISCIPLINE
INTO THIS FINE ARMY
OF LAYABOUTS?
WHAT ARMY OF LAYABOUTS?
ALL RIGHT, LEPRECHAUNS, WE'RE GOING
TO START A LITTLE BIT OF BASIC TRAINING.
AT THE END OF THE TRAINING
YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BECOME
LITTLE GREEN BERRIES.
NOW... I AM GENERAL GEORGE.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO START LIKE THIS.
ATTENTION!
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO STAND UP STRAIGHT
WITH YOUR CHESTS OUT AND YOUR SHOULDERS BACK.
VERY GOOD.
NOW, PRESENT ARMS!
NO, DON'T WAVE AT ME.
THAT MEANS YOU HAVE TO PRESENT YOUR WEAPONS.
HOLD YOUR WEAPONS LIKE THIS.
THE STICKS. THE STICKS.
VERY GOOD.
YOU ESPECIALLY, VERY GOOD.
NOW, WE'RE GOING TO TRY A LITTLE BIT OF MARCHING.
LEPRECHAUNS...
RIGHT HUT!
I SAID RIGHT, RIGHT.
TO YOUR RIGHT.
TO THE RIGHT, QUICK.
A-MARCH! LEFT, RIGHT.
LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT.
ABOUT FACE!
LEFT.
THAT MEANS TURN AROUND.
TURN AROUND THE OTHER... THE OTHER WAY.
COME BACK, THIS WAY.
LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT.
LEFT, RIGHT.
AND HALT!
I SAID HALT!
STOP, STOP, STOP!
KATHLEEN, I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME.
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU.
LOOK, I WANT NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH YOU, JACK.
YOU LIED TO ME.
OKAY? BUT I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS FIGHTING.
IT'S GETTING WORSE.
ALL OUR MILK'S TURNED SOUR, WE'VE LOST
A WHOLE FIELD OF WHEAT
AND IF IT GOES ON LIKE THIS, WE'RE GOING TO BE RUINED.
WHAT ARE THEY DOING?
THEY'RE HELPING ME HELP THE LEPRECHAUN.
YOU SHOULDN'T
BE FIGHTING IN THE WAR.
YOU SHOULD BE TRYING TO STOP THIS.
I AM STOPPING IT, OKAY?
I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN.
OH, JUST GREAT.
BIG-CITY BOY COMES TO IRELAND
TO HELP SAVE THE PEASANTS FROM DESTRUCTION.
NOW, YOU HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE.
I PULLED SOMEBODY
OUT OF THE RIVER.
THAT'S ALL I DID.
AND SUDDENLY I FIND MYSELF A MILITARY ADVISOR
TO AN ARMY OF INVISIBLE PEOPLE TWO FEET HIGH.
THAT WAS NOT IN THE BROCHURE
AND I'M HAVING A LITTLE PROBLEM HANDLING IT, OKAY?
ON TOP OF THAT, I FALL IN LOVE
WITH THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL I'VE EVER MET
AND EVEN THOUGH SHE, SHE DRIVES ME CRAZY
AND SO AS NOT TO UPSET HER
I LOSE MY BOSSES A FORTUNE, I LOSE MY JOB
I LOSE MY APARTMENT
BUT DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO HER? NO, NO.
SHE STILL THINKS I'M LYING TO HER.
MEANWHILE, THE WORLD IS PROBABLY COMING TO AN END
AND FRANKLY, THIS CITY BOY
HAS JUST ABOUT HAD IT!
AH, KATHLEEN, YOUR BROTHERS ARE DOING A FINE JOB.
COME ON, ME LITTLE GINGER CENTURIONS.
KEEP ON DRILLING.
THAT'S WHAT WAR'S ALL ABOUT--
DRILLING AND KILLING, DRILLING AND KILLING!
WE'RE TIRED.
OUR LITTLE LEGS AREN'T USED TO IT.
WE'LL HAVE TO BECOME INVISIBLE.
IT'S LESS TIRING FOR US.
INVISIBLE?
OKAY, THEN.
Seamus: OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
IT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE STILL THERE.
KEEP GOING, YES.
KEEP, KEEP GOING.
OH, OKAY THEN.
ALL RIGHT.
MARCHING ON THE SPOT!
HUT, TWO, THREE...
COME ON, LADS, YOU'RE SOUNDING GOOD.
I HEAR YOU AND JACK
HAVE HAD A FALLING OUT, KATHLEEN.
NOW, IF YOU
WANT MY ADVICE...
I DON'T!
RIGHT.
WELL, I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU ANYWAY.
IT'S NO SKIN OFF MY NOSE.
FORGET ABOUT THE TROUBLES IN YOUR HEAD
BUT LISTEN TO THE JOY IN YOUR HEART.
HE'S A FINE MAN, AND YOU'RE
AS BEAUTIFUL A FLOWER HAS EVER GRACED THE VALLEY HERE.
IF I WAS 200 YEARS YOUNGER AND THREE FEET TALLER
I'D SHOVE YOU...
OH, HELLO!
THERE'S MARY MULDOON.
MISTRESS KATHLEEN
WHAT ARE YOUR FOUR IDIOT BROTHERS DOING
TALKING TO THEMSELVES
IN AN EMPTY FIELD?
WELL, THEY'RE DRILLING YOUR TROOPS, AREN'T THEY?
THEY'VE ALL GONE INVISIBLE!
NO, THEY'VE ALL GONE FOR A DRINK.
George: NOW MARCHING IN DOUBLE-TIME.
LEFT, RIGHT. LEFT, RIGHT.
LEFT, RIGHT.
(Seamus snickers)
(thunder rumbling)
ANYTHING WRONG, JACK?
NO, NOTHING MUCH
EXCEPT THAT I HAVE TO STOP A WAR
SAVE THE WORLD AND WIN BACK THE ONLY WOMAN
I EVER LOVED.
OH, IS THAT ALL?
YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT IT.
I'M JUST AN ORDINARY GUY, MARY.
YOU'RE THE FIRST HUMAN IN YEARS
TO ACTUALLY SEE US LEPRECHAUNS AND MAKE FRIENDS.
YOU CAN'T BE THAT ORDINARY.
WELL, THAT WAS JUST LUCK.
MAYBE GOOD
MAYBE BAD.
IT MAKES YOU EXTRAORDINARY.
SO WHAT DO I DO, MARY?
SLEEP ON IT.
George: ON THE RIGHT.
QUICK MARCH.
Seamus: OH, YES!
BASIC TRAINING.
CAN'T BEAT IT.
STRAIGHT LINES.
NEARLY STRAIGHT.
MARCHING MAGNIFICENTLY.
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY DO TO THE ENEMY
BUT THEY SCARE THE BEJESUS OUT OF ME.
(gasping)
MICKEY!
Mickey: DOWN THERE. COME ON.
I BEAR YOU BAD NEWS, SIRE.
MICKEY MULDOON'S ESCAPED OUR PATROLS
AND STILL HAS YOUR DAUGHTER.
THE LEPRECHAUNS
WILL PROBABLY TRY AND USE HER FOR BLACKMAIL.
DAMN IT. WE ARE BEATEN!
BEATEN?
I'M SORRY, I DON'T KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD.
"BEATEN" MEANS WE'RE FINISHED
DONE FOR, KAPUT, SIRE.
WE MUST TRY THE SAME PLAN.
NOW, THE PRINCESS IS IMPORTANT TO US
SO WE HAVE TO SNATCH SOMEBODY
IMPORTANT TO THEM.
AHH! MULDOON HIMSELF.
I WONDER
WHERE HE COULD BE.
HE'S JUST OUTSIDE.
(squeaking)
(sighing)
I'M, UH, JUST GOING FOR A DRINK WITH FERGUS.
HELPS KEEP UP MORALE.
YOURS OR THEIRS?
YOU POSTED SENTRIES?
OF COURSE I HAVE, AND I'VE ORDERED THEM ALL
TO STAY SHARP.
THEY'RE ABOUT AS SHARP AS BILLIARD BALLS.
MARY. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN HERE TONIGHT.
(light squeaking)
(Irish music playing)
AHH, THIS IS THE STUFF THEY GIVE THE TROOPS.
UH, BUT SHOULDN'T WE BE HAVING A BIT OF AN EARLY NIGHT, SIR?
YOU KNOW, WHAT, WITH THERE BEING A BIG BATTLE AND ALL THAT?
GIELGUD, SOMETIMES I SUSPECT
YOU HAVE A LITTLE TROOPER BLOOD IN YOU.
SORRY ABOUT THAT, SIR.
GIVE ME A NETTLE JUICE, THERE.
AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE.
(music stops)
(all cheering)
YOU SHOULDN'T BE HERE, SIRE, IT'S TOO DANGEROUS.
I MUST LEAD. I'M YOUR KING.
(bird hooting)
WHAT WAS THAT?
AN OWL, SIRE.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO TAKE OVER?
OH, NO, NO, NO.
AH, BUT, THEN, YOU GO IN FRONT
AND I'LL BE RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
RIGHT, MEN...
AWAY.
(people chattering in distance)
SHH.
IT'S FOR COMMANDER MULDOON.
THERE'S MULDOON.
OH... WAIT, WAIT. I'LL GET HIM.
(growls)
(laughing)
I DID IT.
AT LAST!
WHAT IS IT, BORIC?
VICTORY! GLORIOUS!
MAGNIFICENT VICTORY!
I WANT MY STATUE
ON A HORSE; I LOOK SO GOOD ON A HORSE.
COPPER, BRONZE, I DON'T MIND.
WHAT HAPPENED?
WE KIDNAPPED THE LEADER OF THE LEPRECHAUNS, SEAMUS MULDOON.
(spluttering)
(mumbling)
(panting)
Jessica: MY FATHER WON'T LISTEN
NOT EVEN TO ME.
HE'LL THINK THAT I'M UNDER A SPELL.
MINE WILL THINK THE SAME.
AND NOW EVIL THOUGHTS
SIT ON THY SHOULDERS.
IT'S OUR FAULT.
IF WE HADN'T RUN AWAY TOGETHER.
I MAY BE
THE NEW GUY ON THE BLOCK HERE, BUT IT'S MY GUESS
THAT YOU'RE JUST AN EXCUSE FOR THEM TO KEEP FIGHTING.
IT'S NOT JUST A FIGHT.
THE GRAND BANSHEE'S TAKING THE LIVES
OF THE SOLDIERS.
WE'RE NOT IMMORTAL ANYMORE.
WHO'S THE GRAND BANSHEE?
SHE'S THE HEAD
THE CHIEF, THE GRAND AVATAR
OF ALL THINGS FAIRY AND LEPRECHAUN.
WELL, LET'S TALK TO HER.
TALK TO THE GRAND BANSHEE?
YEAH, WHERE DOES SHE LIVE?
TOP OF MOONSTONE MOUNTAIN.
NO, I THINK THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, MR. WOODS.
I THINK THAT MIGHT WORK.
SHE HAS THE POWER.
THERE YOU GO.
I'D LIKE KATHLEEN, UH...
KATHLEEN FITZPATRICK TO COME WITH US.
WHY?
WELL, ANOTHER HUMAN.
SHE'S FROM AROUND THESE PARTS.
SHE'S A WOMAN.
YOU KNOW, IT'LL SHOW THAT WE'RE ALL CONCERNED.
YOU KNOW, THAT WE'RE ALL IN IT TOGETHER.
OH, RIGHT.
WHAT?
(both laughing)
NOTHING.
(whinnies)
TO THE RIGHT.
NO!
FIREFLY, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
FIREFLY!
WHAT'S GOING ON?
NO, TIME. WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE GRAND BANSHEE.
MOONSTONE MOUNTAIN.
HOW DID YOU GET THE PONY TO COME HERE?
THAT WAS ME, I'M AFRAID.
SORRY.
MOONSTONE MOUNTAIN, FIREFLY.
(Firefly whinnies)
Morag: WHAT ARE YOU
GOING TO DO NOW?
INTERROGATE HER.
THIS IS AN INTERROGATION ROOM, MA'AM.
I TOOK THE TROUBLE OF TURNING IT INTO ONE MYSELF, PERSONALLY.
THERE'S NOTHING IN IT EXCEPT A CHAIR.
THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A PROPER INTERROGATION ROOM.
YOU'RE GOING TO INTERROGATE ME?
ABOUT WHAT?
SEAMUS NEVER TELLS ME A THING.
HE JUST GRUNTS
WHEN I ASK HIM ANYTHING.
JUST THE SAME WITH BORIC.
THAT'S HUSBANDS FOR YOU.
YOU'VE GOT IT IN ONE.
EXCUSE ME, COULD WE GET ON WITH THE MATTER IN HAND?
SO, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME
NOW THAT YOU'VE GOT ME?
SPERRY, SPERRY AND McGIRK WANTED ME
TO LOOK INTO SOME PROSPECTS.
THAT'S IT. THAT'S ALL.
WELL, NO, NO.
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH, OKAY?
IT WASN'T SPERRY AND SPERRY.
IT WAS McGIRK WHO ASKED ME.
AND DO I CARE?
WELL, I'M JUST TELLING YOU.
SO YOU DECIDED TO COME TO IRELAND
AND RUIN OUR PEACE AND QUIET.
I HAVEN'T SEEN MUCH PEACE AND QUIET SINCE I'VE BEEN HERE.
WELL, NORMALLY, IT'S MUCH QUIETER THAN THIS, MR. WOODS.
Kathleen: YEAH, AND ANYWAY, IT'S ABOUT OTHER THINGS AS WELL.
LIKE I DIDN'T TELL YOU.
YEAH.
HE DIDN'T TELL YOU?
NOT ONE WORD.
HAVE YOU ANY IDEA WHERE WE'RE GOING?
DO YOU?
UH, PROBLEM.
LOOKS LIKE WE'LL HAVE TO SWING AROUND IT.
JUST LIKE THAT?
UNLESS YOU'VE GOT A BETTER IDEA.
IS THAT NECESSARY?
I'VE DONE SOME CLIMBING, YOU KNOW.
MOUNTAIN OR SOCIAL?
GIVE US THE ROPE THERE, MR. WOODS.
I'LL TIE IT OFF SOMEWHERE UP THERE.
IT WILL BE
A HUMAN-SIZE KNOT, WON'T IT, MICKEY?
HELLO, DON'T LOOK DOWN.
(gasps)
Mickey: THAT'S IT. YOU'RE DOING FINE THERE.
YEAH, THAT'S EASY FOR YOU FLYBOYS TO SAY.
WOULD YOU STOP SHAKING THE ROPE!
THAT'S NOT THE ROPE. THAT'S ME.
(deep rumbling)
Mickey: QUICK! CRAWL UNDER THIS LEDGE.
(screams)
(grunts)
I GOT YOU!
WE'VE GOT TO HELP THEM.
(grunting)
THANK YOU, MICKEY AND JESSICA.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP.
THAT'S FINE.
SEE WHAT HAPPENS WHEN FAIRIES
AND LEPRECHAUNS WORK TOGETHER.
YEAH.
OH, THAT'S OKAY, KATHLEEN.
NO THANKS NECESSARY.
I WAS JUST ABOUT TO THANK YOU.
OH. OH, WELL, OKAY.
THANK YOU.
WHAT? THAT'S IT?
JUST THANK YOU?
NO SMALL GIFT?
NO OFFER OF ADOPTION?
WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
(chuckles)
VERY MUCH.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
OKAY, I'LL TAKE "VERY MUCH" FOR A START.
AND DON'T MAKE ANYTHING OF THAT.
NOTHING GETS TO A LADY'S HEART QUICKER
THAN SAVING HER FROM FALLING TO HER DEATH.
YEAH, I'VE GOT HER RIGHT WHERE SHE WANTS ME.
THAT'S THE ENTRANCE THERE.
IT'S TINY.
WE'LL NEVER GET THROUGH THERE.
OKAY, I'LL GO BY MYSELF.
I'LL DEAL WITH THE GRAND BANSHEE.
AND ME.
NO, JESSICA, IT MIGHT BE DANGEROUS.
MICKEY, WE DO THIS TOGETHER
SO SHE CAN SEE THAT BOTH SIDES WANT PEACE.
IT MAKES SENSE, MICKEY.
I KNOW, BUT LEPRECHAUNS HAVE NO SENSE.
JESSICA...
I'M COMING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
JESSICA.
IT'S A TROJAN!
FERGUS FLYNN, ESQUIRE.
THE FIERY CHANGELING
OF MOONSTONE MOUNTAIN, IF YOU PLEASE.
THE ONE AND ONLY GUARDIAN
OF THE CAVE OF THE HIGH COUNSELOR.
KILLER OF CATTLE
DESTROYER OF TOWNS
AND GENERAL ALL-AROUND GOODFELLA.
WE WANT TO SEE THE GRAND BANSHEE.
HAVE YOU AN APPOINTMENT?
Mickey: NO.
WE DIDN'T KNOW WE NEEDED ONE.
WELL, YOU DO.
SO HOW DO WE GET ONE?
FROM THE GRAND BANSHEE.
OH, TO SEE THE GRAND BANSHEE
WE HAVE TO GET AN APPOINTMENT.
FROM THE GRAND BANSHEE.
NOT EASY, IS IT?
HMM.
"HMM"? WHAT DOES "HMM" MEAN?
IT MEANS I KNOW A BAG OF HOT AIR WHEN I SEE ONE.
YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?
I'LL SQUASH YOU FLAT.
YOU'RE NOT BIG ENOUGH.
STILL THINK I'M NOT BIG ENOUGH?
WELL, YOU'RE BIG, FLYNN
BUT YOU'RE STILL NOTHING.
NOW! GO!
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
IT'S CHEATING!
WHOA!
(Fergus roaring)
UH-OH.
Fergus: OH, DEAR.
(whooshing and chirping)
FUNNY-LOOKING FELLAS.
CAN WE HELP YOU?
WE'VE COME TO SEE THE GRAND BANSHEE.
HAVE YOU AN APPOINTMENT?
DO WE NEED ONE?
NO, BUT YOU CAN'T SEE HER WITHOUT ONE.
Jessica: HOW DO WE GET ONE?
ASK THE GRAND BANSHEE?
OH, YOU KNOW THAT ROUTINE.
FROM THE FIERY FOOL AT THE ENTRANCE.
YES, YOU JUST CAN'T GET THE STAFF NOWADAYS.
WILL YOU CALL HER?
PLEASE?!
OH-HOO, THE "PL" WORD.
WE DON'T HEAR THAT AROUND HERE VERY OFTEN, DO WE?
NO, WE DON'T.
LET'S SEE WHAT WE CAN DO.
AH, LOOK, YOU'RE IN LUCK.
WE'VE HAD A CANCELLATION.
THE GRAND BANSHEE CAN SEE YOU NOW.
AH. WELCOME TO THE HOTEL SPLENDIDE.
WOULD YOU LIKE A DRINK?
NO, THANK YOU.
WE'RE HERE TO...
I KNOW WHY YOU'RE HERE.
THIS IS BEAUTIFUL.
THANK YOU.
WHY ARE YOU LIVING IN A HOTEL?
BECAUSE I REALLY LIKE THE ROOM SERVICE.
Mickey: GRAND BANSHEE
WE CAME HERE TO ASK YOU TO STOP THIS WAR.
WE STARTED IT, MICKEY AND ME.
WE'RE IN LOVE, BUT OUR FAMILIES DON'T APPROVE.
WELL, IT'S VERY GOOD OF YOU
TO COME AND TRY TO TAKE ALL THE BLAME ON YOURSELVES
BUT I KNOW THERE ARE OTHER REASONS.
WELL, PERHAPS, BUT PEOPLE ARE BEING HURT.
EVERYTHING IS BEING DESTROYED.
Mickey: CAN'T YOU STOP IT, GRAND BANSHEE?
NO. NO, I CAN'T.
WELL, WHY NOT?
WELL, BECAUSE YOU CAN'T STOP PEOPLE DOING
WHAT THEY REALLY WANT TO DO.
AND I WARNED THEM AND I WARNED YOU
BUT NOBODY LISTENED.
I TOOK AWAY THEIR IMMORTALITY, AND STILL NOBODY PAID
A BIT OF ATTENTION.
BUT IF THIS WAR CARRIES ON
THEN THERE'LL BE NO FAIRIES LEFT IN IRELAND.
IF THIS WAR CARRIES ON
AND THEY DON'T TAKE CARE OF NATURE
THERE'LL BE NO IRELAND OR ANYTHING ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.
COME, LET ME SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
FROM HERE I CAN SEE MOTHER NATURE HERSELF.
Mickey: OH, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.
EXCEPT THAT HER LEAVES ARE USUALLY GREEN AND GROWING
AS THEY HAVE BEEN FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS.
Jessica: AND NOW THEY'RE BROWN AND FALLING.
BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN NEGLECTED.
WHEN THE LAST LEAF FALLS
FROM THE TREE
ALL GROWTH AND ALL THINGS WILL END.
CAN WE STOP IT?
I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER LOOK LIKE THIS.
PERHAPS IF WE COULD STOP THE FIGHTING
MAYBE IT'S TOO LATE.
Jessica: HOW LONG DO YOU THINK WE'VE GOT?
NOT LONG.
WHAT ABOUT US?
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WHAT? I CANNOT TRUST YOU ANYMORE.
AS SIMPLE AS THAT.
NO, IT'S NOT AS SIMPLE AS THAT, KATHLEEN.
YOU KNOW I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU.
SO YOU SAY.
LISTEN TO ME.
I HAVE GIVEN UP EVERYTHING BECAUSE I WANT TO STAY HERE.
I WANT TO BE HAPPY!
WELL, I'M NOT STOPPING YOU.
WELL, AS A MATTER OF FACT, YOU ARE.
GET OUT.
SORRY. THAT WAS HIM.
STOP THAT.
SORRY.
SIR! SIR! WHERE'S
MICKEY AND PRINCESS JESSICA?
I DON'T KNOW.
THEY'RE STILL MISSING.
WHAT'S YOUR ORDERS?
OH, UH... WELL, I SUPPOSE
I HAVE TO DO THE HONORABLE THING
AND RESCUE MY WIFE.
WE'LL ATTACK.
GREAT.
THEY MIGHT TORTURE HER IF WE ATTACK.
YOU'RE A GOOD LAD, JERICHO
BUT YOU CAN'T CHEER ME UP THAT EASILY.
COME ON.
THE FOOLS ARE TRYING TO BREAK IN. IMPOSSIBLE!
YOU'D BETTER LEARN TO FLY IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ME ON!
RIGHT, MY OAKSHEE FRIENDS.
DO YOUR BEST.
ALL RIGHT, NOW, LAD.
BRACE YOURSELF.
I AM BRACED, YOU FOOL.
FIRE!
MARQUIS!
GUARDS!
JERICHO!
RETREAT.
RETREAT!
ALL THAT WE DID WAS FALL IN LOVE.
IT WAS ENOUGH TO SET THEM
AT EACH OTHER'S THROATS.
THERE ARE HARDLY ANY LEAVES LEFT.
THE THORN TREE.
EVIL THINGS SIT ON THOSE TWISTED BRANCHES.
THEY SAY THAT LOVERS WHO LEAN AGAINST THE THORN TREE
LOSE THEIR LOVE FOREVER.
I DON'T WANT TO LOSE MY LOVE.
NO, NO, NOR DO I, BUT...
BUT IF WE... IF WE STOPPED
CARING SO MUCH ABOUT EACH OTHER
MAYBE WE COULD RETURN TO OUR FAMILIES
AND, AND THEY'D MAKE PEACE.
MICKEY...
ARE YOU SURE?
NO, NO, I'M NOT
BUT SHOULDN'T WE AT LEAST TRY?
YES.
SO, HOW DO YOU FEEL?
ALL RIGHT.
AND HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME?
ALL RIGHT.
HOW DO... HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ME?
ALL RIGHT.
OH, GOOD.
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT, THEN.
YES. YES, IT IS.
SO, TO TEST IT--
TO MAKE SURE IT'S ALL OVER--
IT'S ALL FINISHED BETWEEN US--
IF I WERE TO GIVE YOU A LITTLE KISS
LIKE THIS... YOU FEEL...?
NOTHING.
OH, RIGHT.
AND, WELL, IF I WAS TO KISS YOU BACK...
LIKE THIS...?
NOT A THING.
GOOD. YEAH.
SAME HERE.
AND IF... IF I WERE TO...
TO HOLD ONTO YOU LIKE THIS...?
AND IF I... I WERE TO PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU
LIKE... LIKE THIS...?
MAYBE A LITTLE TREMOR THERE.
JUST A LITTLE ONE.
YOU'RE RICH, BOYS!
YOU'RE RICH!
TIME TO GET THE GOLD I PROMISED YOU.
LADS. LADS!
I FOUND SOMETHING.
(all laughing)
SEAMUS, WHAT'S BEEN HAPPENING?
DID YOU WIN?
IT WAS A GLORIOUS DRAW.
SO, DOES THAT
MEAN PEACE?
NEVER.
TOTAL VICTORY OR NOTHING.
IF YOU DON'T MAKE PEACE
THERE'LL BE NOTHING LEFT TO FIGHT OVER.
BUT THE TROOPING FOOLS WILL HAVE TO AGREE TO PEACE, AS WELL.
THEY'LL NEVER
DO THAT SO LONG AS THEY THINK
THAT MICKEY HAS SPIRITED JESSICA WAY.
THEN WE'LL HAVE TO GET THEM TO EXPLAIN.
WHERE COULD THEY HAVE GONE, SEAMUS?
OH, PROBABLY THE SWAMP.
THAT'S NEUTRAL TERRITORY.
THE SWAMP.
YOU KNOW THE WAY
THERE, DO YOU?
I KNOW THIS IS A STUPID QUESTION
BUT IS THERE REAL GOLD?
HAH!
I TOLD YOU
THERE'S MORE, THERE'S MORE!
THERE'S ONE THERE.
WHERE? THERE'S ONE OVER BY THE TREES.
KEEP GOING.
Boric: AND YOU GIVE US YOUR WORD THAT YOU WON'T TRY TO ESCAPE?
Mary: OF COURSE I WON'T.
AND EVEN IF I DID, WOULD YOU BELIEVE ME?
THIS IS A VERY BARE-LOOKING ROOM, YOUR MAJESTY.
YOU COULD DO WONDERS
WITH A FEW FLOWERS AND SOME SCATTER CUSHIONS
AND MAYBE A SMALL SOFA.
SIRE? SIRE?
I THINK YOU SHOULD COME
AND SEE WHAT PROGRESS WE HAVE MADE.
EXCUSE ME, LADIES.
WHAT IS THAT
IDIOT BULSTRODE DOING NOW?
HE'S DIGGING A TUNNEL UNDER THE PALACE.
DIGGING A TUNNEL TO GET OUT?
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.
WE'RE BESIEGING YOU.
WE SHOULD BE DIGGING A TUNNEL TO GET IN.
THAT'S WHAT I KEEP SAYING
BUT THEY WON'T LISTEN TO ME.
THEY NEVER DO.
AND THEY'VE COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT MY DAUGHTER.
POOR, SWEET JESSICA...
UNDER THAT LEPRECHAUN'S SPELL!
I THINK YOU'LL FIND IT'S THE OTHER WAY AROUND.
MICKEY HAS BEEN BEWITCHED BY A CHIT OF A GIRL.
OF COURSE, YOU WOULD SAY THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?
IT'S TYPICAL, DOUBLE-DEALING LEPRECHAUN BEHAVIOR.
DOUBLE-DEALING, IS IT?
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME.
I WON'T LISTEN TO SOMEONE
WHOSE IDEA OF HAVING A WASH
IS TO STAND OUTSIDE AND WAIT FOR THE RAIN.
AND I WON'T LISTEN TO SOMEONE
WHOSE ONLY IDEA OF A FRIEND CAN BE FOUND IN A MIRROR.
OUR ENGINEERS ARE WORKING
ON THE TUNNEL NIGHT AND DAY.
AND IT HAD TO BE IN THE MIDDLE
OF THE BALLROOM, DID IT?
YES, SIRE.
IT'S A DIRECT LINE BETWEEN HERE AND THERE.
HAS THE QUEEN SEEN WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO THE FLOOR?
NOT YET.
WELL, MAKE SURE I'M THERE WHEN SHE DOES, WILL YOU?
CERTAINLY.
COME, SIRE.
I'M NOT GOING DOWN THERE.
NOT HERE.
OUTSIDE, TO SEE THE REBEL CAMP.
WE'RE DIGGING A TUNNEL UNDER THAT FIELD
AND UNDER THEIR CAMP.
Boric: THEY'LL BE SURPRISED
WHEN WE POP UP BEHIND THEM.
IF THE TUNNEL DOESN'T COLLAPSE.
GOOD POINT.
OH, THAT'S A FIRST.
I MADE A GOOD POINT.
SEE IT DOESN'T, BULSTRODE.
THAT'S ALREADY TAKEN CARE OF, SIRE.
I'VE GIVEN STRICT ORDERS TO IT THAT IT'S NOT TO COLLAPSE.
OH, THAT'LL WORK, THEN.
WE CAN ALL SLEEP EASY IN OUR BEDS TONIGHT.
AH!
AND ENGLISH BUTTER TO BOOT.
THIS PUTS
A WHOLE DIFFERENT COMPLEXION ON THE MATTER.
BUTTER CHANGES EVERYTHING.
I HAD A FEELING
IT MIGHT MAKE A DIFFERENCE, UNCLE.
BUT WE HAVEN'T COME HERE FOR SANCTUARY.
WE WANT YOUR ADVICE.
REALLY? WHY ME, LAD?
THIS SITUATION NEEDS SOMEONE WHO'S CLEVER
DEVIOUS, SLIPPERY AND CROOKED.
SOMEONE WHO CAN SEE AROUND CORNERS.
FLATTERY WILL GET YOU EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?
WE WANT TO PUT A STOP TO THIS WAR
BRING OUR FAMILIES TOGETHER.
IT'LL HAVE TO BE SOMETHING
REALLY SPECTACULAR AND SHOCKING.
HMM.
HAVE YOU THOUGHT
OF DYING AT ALL?
WELL... WELL, IF...
IF YOU THINK THAT IT MIGHT
REALLY HELP, THEN...
NO, I DON'T MEAN FOR REAL.
THAT MIGHT SUCCEED
BUT YOU WOULDN'T BE THERE TO ENJOY IT.
THAT WOULD DEFEAT THE WHOLE POINT OF THE EXERCISE.
NO, IF YOUR FAMILIES THOUGHT YOU'D GO THAT FAR
RATHER THAN BE PARTED
THAT WOULD DO THE TRICK JUST AS WELL.
IT MIGHT.
BUT... BUT HOW COULD IT WORK?
FOLLOW YOUR UNCLE JENTEE.
THIS...
IS POISON.
WELL, LET'S SAY, IT ACTS LIKE POISON.
DRINK IT, BLOOD STOPS, YOU GO INTO A COMA.
OF COURSE, A LOT OF PEOPLE I KNOW ARE IN A COMA
WITHOUT DRINKING THIS-- NO NAMES.
NO PATRIAL.
ANYWAY, FOR ALL INTENTS AND PURPOSES
THAT'S IT.
NOW, THIS...
IS THE ANTIDOTE.
DRINK IT...
AND YOU'LL BE FINE
PROVIDED YOU DRINK IT
WITHIN TEN MINUTES
OF TAKING THE POISON.
IF YOU DON'T...
NO MORE CRICKET ON THE GREEN.
NO MORE WARM BEER.
NO MORE BUTTER.
MICKEY!
JESSICA!
Kathleen: JESSICA!
MICKEY!
THERE.
Jessica: KATHLEEN.
HEY, THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE SAFE.
YOU HAVE TO COME BACK AND EXPLAIN.
THEY THINK YOU'RE UNDER SOME MAGIC SPELL.
WE ARE. WE'RE IN LOVE.
WE HAVE A PLAN.
LISTEN.
OKAY, THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
YEAH, IF YOU THINK IT'LL WORK.
THEY'LL NEED TIME TO PREPARE THOUGH.
GOOD LUCK, MR. WOODS.
Mickey: GOOD LUCK.
GOOD LUCK, JACK.
LOOK.
(thunder rumbling)
(cracking)
(wind whistling)
(screaming)
(frightened grunting)
(grunts)
YOU REALLY SHOULD WATCH
WHERE YOU'RE GOING, MR. WOODS.
YOU KNOW WHO I AM?
COURSE.
I'M THE GRAND BANSHEE.
YOU'RE THE GRAND BANSHEE?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO LOOK SO SURPRISED.
WHAT WERE YOU EXPECTING--
TWO HEADS, FIRE BREATHING?
I COULD DO THAT, TOO.
(laughing): NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.
I'D LIKE THIS WAR TO END AS MUCH AS YOU WOULD.
YEAH?
(chuckles)
WE HAVE A PLAN.
I KNOW.
YOU DO?
I'M ALL-SEEING.
THAT'S WHY I PLUCKED YOU
OUT OF THE TWISTER.
OH.
WELL...
THANKS.
WELL... YOU'RE WELCOME.
SO, WILL IT WORK?
YOUR PLAN?
YEAH.
I'M... ALL-SEEING.
THAT'S A LITTLE VAGUE.
WELL, I'M NOT A FORTUNE TELLER, AM I?
GOOD DAY.
OH, SO, YOU WOULDN'T... YOU WOULDN'T KNOW
BY ANY CHANCE, IF KATHLEEN AND I WERE...
(squawking)
WHOA.
AAH... TROOPERS.
(chuckling)
Jack: SEAMUS?
SEAMUS.
Seamus: OH, JACK.
OH, I'M GLAD TO SEE YOU'VE DECIDED
TO JOIN THE SIDE OF RIGHT AND JUSTICE.
I NEED TO TALK TO YOU... ALONE.
LISTEN, SEAMUS...
YOU GOT TO CALL A PEACE CONFERENCE HERE NOW.
WHAT?
MICKEY AND PRINCESS JESSICA--
THEY BELIEVE THAT THEIR LOVE IS THE REASON
FOR ALL THIS FIGHTING.
THEY'D RATHER DIE THAN BE PARTED.
THEY WOULDN'T.
OH, THEY WOULD
AND THEY WILL, UNLESS YOU GET IN TOUCH
WITH KING BORIC AND AT LEAST TALK.
I CAN'T DO IT.
I CAN'T.
I JUST CAN'T.
I HAVE MY PRIDE.
WHAT'S THAT AGAINST YOUR SON'S LIFE, SEAMUS?
Boric: THE WHITE FLAG?
WHAT THE DEVIL DOES HE WANT?
NO, NO, NO, NO.
AND MY MICKEY?
UH, TOGETHER
UNLESS BOTH SIDES MEET AND TALK.
Boric: I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
Morag: I BELIEVE IT.
SHE WOULDN'T DO IT.
SHE WOULD!
SHE'S IN LOVE!
MULDOON WOULDN'T THINK UP THAT TRICK
JUST TO GET YOU TALKING.
AYE, HE ONLY WANTS US TO TALK.
IF WE DON'T TALK, AND THE TWO OF THEM DO IT...
WELL, OF COURSE, WE'LL TALK.
BORIC!
THEY HAVE A HUMAN TO FIGHT FOR THEM.
DON'T WORRY.
THEY'RE DOCILE
SO LONG AS YOU DON'T MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVEMENTS.
AND WHERE IS BULSTRODE?
UNDERGROUND, STILL DIGGING.
Boric: BEST PLACE FOR HIM.
AND WHO'S THIS?
A NEUTRAL.
HE'S HERE AS AN OBSERVER.
I'M NOT FIGHTING.
IT WOULDN'T MATTER TO US IF YOU DID.
CHAMBERLAIN.
Chamberlain: ON BEHALF OF KING BORIC
AND THE TROOPING FAIRIES
WE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO SAY "HELLO" TO YOUR WIFE.
HELLO.
NOW, LET'S GET ON WITH IT.
IS THAT ALL YOU HAVE TO SAY
YOU HALF-GUTTED MACKEREL?
THE MAN ASKED ME IF I'D LIKE TO SAY "HELLO"
AND I HAVE SAID "HELLO."
NOW, LET'S GET ON WITH THE IMPORTANT STUFF.
I AM SEAMUS MULDOON
WHOSE CLAN WERE THE LORDS OF OFFALY
1,000 YEARS BEFORE HIS ANCIENT MAJESTY HERE
WAS EVEN BORN.
Boric: MY CLAN STRETCHES BACK
TO BEFORE A LEPRECHAUN HAD EVEN THOUGHT
OF BUILDING
A MUD HUT.
(cheering and applause)
WE'RE NOT HERE TO PROVE WHOSE FAMILY'S THE OLDEST.
WE'RE HERE TO MAKE PEACE FOR YOUR CHILDREN'S SAKE.
Seamus: "PEACE"?
WHAT PEACE?
THESE TROOPING FAIRIES KILLED SEAN DEVINE
AND DROVE MY SON INTO EXILE!
Boric: THESE LEPRECHAUNS
HAVE KIDNAPPED MY DAUGHTER, JESSICA
CAST A SPELL ON HER
AND KILLED MY NEPHEW, COUNT GROGAN.
WHERE'S MY DAUGHTER?
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER?
Seamus: WELL, I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE SHE IS.
SHE...ENTICED MY SON AWAY FROM HIS DUTY
WITH HER FEMALE MAGIC.
THAT'S RIGHT. YES, SHE DID.
(muttering)
(all yelling)
WE'RE HERE TO MAKE PEACE.
(shouting continuing)
OKAY.
IT MUST BE
WITHIN TEN MINUTES.
YES, I KNOW.
DON'T WORRY.
OVER HERE!
OVER HERE, QUICKLY!
HURRY, TAKE THEM TO THEIR PARENTS!
HURRY!
(warriors shouting)
RIGHT THERE!
WOULD YOU BELIEVE THIS?
WITH OUR HUSBANDS IN CHARGE?
YES. YES.
JESSICA!
MICKEY!
(sobbing)
THEY TOOK A POTION.
NO!
I WARNED YOU.
THEY THOUGHT THAT THEY WERE THE REASON FOR THIS WAR.
THEY THOUGHT THIS WAY IT WOULD END.
YOU CAN'T LET THEIR SACRIFICE BE IN VAIN.
END THIS WAR NOW.
(whispering): THERE MUST BE A PEACE TREATY.
Jack: LATER.
RIGHT NOW
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS
SHAKE HANDS OVER THE BODIES OF YOUR CHILDREN.
"SHAKE HANDS"?
A HANDSHAKE BETWEEN GENTLEMEN
IS MORE BINDING THAN ANY TREATY IN THE WORLD.
AH, THAT'S TRUE.
DO IT.
SHAKE HANDS!
NOW, BORIC!
(clears throat)
(horse nickering)
(grunts)
(whinnying)
WHERE'S JACK?
WON'T SOMEONE HELP?
SOMEONE HELP, PLEASE!
JACK?
JACK, I DIDN'T MEAN ANY OF IT.
(sobbing)
I LOVE YOU, JACK.
(clamoring)
COME ON, MEN, WE'RE THERE!
YOU'RE NOWHERE, YOU BLUNDERING FOOL!
IT'S HAPPENING.
NO!
WHY WON'T SHE SAVE
OUR CHILDREN?!
SAVE THEM. YOU MUST!
BRING THEM BACK TO US.
AND JACK. SAVE JACK.
I CAN'T SAVE JACK.
HE DOESN'T NEED IT.
HE'S ONLY WINDED.
WHAT?
JACK...
JACK?
JACK!
(laughing)
AH, BUT MICKEY AND JESSICA, THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.
THEY'RE NOT SO EASILY SAVED.
BUT THAT'S WHAT COMES FROM STUPID WAR.
BUT IT'S OVER.
THEY... THEY SHOOK HANDS.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO
UNLESS, OF COURSE
YOU REALLY WANT PEACE IN YOUR HEARTS.
GENTLEMEN'S AGREEMENT--
NO MORE WAR.
NEVER AGAIN!
Bulstrode: DON'T SAY THAT, SIRE!
I'D BE OUT OF WORK!
UNLESS EVERYONE WANTS PEACE.
WE DO!
WE DO! WE DO!
BULSTRODE!
OH, ALL RIGHT, THEN.
(cheering)
LOOK! OH...
JESSICA...
WHAT'S HAPPENED?
SEAN!
SEAN HOW'S IT GOING, LADS?
I MUST HAVE FELL ASLEEP.
I HAD A FEW, AND I WAS DEAD TIRED.
YEAH, YOU WERE DEAD, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT'S GOING ON, GRAND BANSHEE?
IT'S A SURPRISE.
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU COULD BRING THEM BACK LIKE THAT.
WELL, IF YOU KNEW, IT WOULDN'T BE A SURPRISE
NOW, WOULD IT?
(laughing)
WHERE IS COUNT GROGAN?
OH, I'LL BE KEEPING HIM FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS OR SO
JUST TO BE ON THE SAFE SIDE.
GOOD THINKING, GRAND BANSHEE.
WIFE'S SIDE OF THE FAMILY.
UH, HOW ABOUT A DRINK BEFORE YOU GO?
OH, NO, I COULDN'T.
OH, YES, I COULD.
SAVE ME A BRANCH; I'LL BE BACK.
DRINKS ALL AROUND!
ON ME!
(cheers) GREAT IDEA.
NOTHING.
NOTHING!
HEY, YOU!
YOU SCURVY KNICK-KNOCKER!
THERE'S NO POTS HERE!
THERE'S NO GOLD.
HE CHEATED US!
YOU AND THAT... TODDLIN' TRIPE
CALLED MULDOON.
SOMEBODY CALL?
THERE HE IS, LADS.
NOW, HOLD ON.
HOLD ON. HOLD ON.
GOLD IS THERE.
JUST HAVEN'T DUG IN THE RIGHT PLACES.
WE'VE DUG EVERY PLACE.
YOU HAVEN'T DUG...
THERE.
THAT LOOKS GOOD.
(rumbling)
WHAT'S HAPPENING, LADS?
WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW?
IT'S AN EARTHQUAKE!
YES, BOYS, YOU'RE RICH! YOU'RE RICH!
I WANT TO GET MARRIED HERE IN IRELAND.
I HAVEN'T ASKED YOU YET.
WERE YOU GOING TO?
MAYBE.
ALL THE WORDS IN THE WORLD
WON'T MAKE A MARRIAGE BINDING.
ONLY YOU CAN DO THAT.
IT'S UP TO YOU.
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
? I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CERTAIN ?
? THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM ?
? THOUGH THE HEAVENS STOP TURNING ?
? I'LL BE HOLDING ONTO OUR DREAM ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY ?
? FLY AWAY... ? DRINK UP, BULSTRODE.
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
NO MORE WARS.
AW, WRITE YOUR MEMOIRS.
"HOW I SAVED THE WORLD AND OTHER FAIRY STORIES."
YES. YES, THAT'S A MARVELOUS IDEA.
? ...YOU HEARD MY WORD, MY HOPE, MY CALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER ?
? YOU GAVE YOUR HAND, YOUR HEART, YOUR ALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER IT ALL ?
? IN A MAGICAL MOMENT ?
? YOU REACHED OUT AND TOUCHED THE REAL ME ?
? NOW THERE'S NO STONE BEFORE US ?
? AS STRONG AS THE LOVE WE BOTH FEEL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ?
? IF WE GIVE OUR LOVE, LOVE WILL COME OUR WAY ?
? FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ?
? FROM THE DARKNESS TO THE SUN, LET OUR SPIRITS BE AS ONE ?
? YOU HEARD MY WORD, MY HOPE, MY CALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER ?
? YOU GAVE YOUR HAND, YOUR HEART, YOUR ALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER IT ALL ?
? FLY AWAY OVER... ?
IT IS BEAUTIFUL.
I CAN SEE IT NOW.
I CAN.
IT'S THE SECOND MOST BEAUTIFUL THING
I'VE EVER SEEN.
? ...FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ?
? IF WE GIVE OUR LOVE, LOVE WILL COME OUR WAY ?
? FLY AWAY, FLY AWAY ?
? FROM THE DARKNESS TO THE SUN, LET OUR SPIRITS BE AS ONE ?
? YOU HEARD MY WORD, MY HOPE, MY CALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER ?
? YOU GAVE YOUR HAND, YOUR HEART, YOUR ALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER IT ALL ?
? YOU HEARD MY WORD, MY HOPE, MY CALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER IT ALL ?
? YOU GAVE YOUR HAND, YOUR HEART, YOUR ALL ?
? WE CAN FLY AWAY OVER IT ALL... ?
---the end---